The Ethiopian coffee ceremony, usually just called buna (coffee), is the traditional way coffee is made and shared: green beans are roasted, ground and brewed in front of you in a clay pot called a jebena, then served in three rounds. It is slow, social and often takes an hour or more. Spend a few days in Ethiopia and there is a good chance someone will invite you to one.

Coffee has deep roots here. Coffea arabica, the species behind most of the world's quality coffee, is native to Ethiopia, which still holds most of its genetic diversity, and many families make coffee this way every day. It is how households welcome guests and how neighbours catch up.

Because a ceremony runs to its own clock, it pays not to be watching one. If you are visiting family or friends around Addis, a private driver who waits while you drink the third cup is far easier than trying to find a taxi when you finally stand up to leave.

What happens during an Ethiopian coffee ceremony?

Details vary between homes and regions, but the rhythm is recognisable almost everywhere. The ceremony is usually led by a woman of the household, who does every step in front of her guests and considers it an honour.

1. Setting the scene. Fresh grass is often spread on the floor, sometimes with small yellow flowers, around a low stand that holds the cups. Incense such as frankincense is lit, and the room fills with its smoke.
2. Washing and roasting. Green (raw) coffee beans are rinsed, then roasted in a flat pan over a small charcoal stove, stirred constantly until they turn dark and glossy.
3. Sharing the aroma. The pan of hot, freshly roasted beans is carried round so each guest can waft the smoke towards them. It is a gesture of hospitality.
4. Grinding. The beans are pounded by hand in a wooden mortar (mukecha) with a pestle (zenezena).
5. Brewing. The grounds go into the jebena, a round-bellied clay pot with a long narrow neck and spout, and it sits on the coals until the coffee boils up, sometimes more than once.
6. Pouring. The host pours from a height in one continuous movement across a tray of small handleless cups (sini), without stopping between them, so the grounds stay behind in the pot. It takes real skill.

While this happens, snacks are passed around: popcorn is the classic, along with roasted barley, peanuts or himbasha, a lightly sweet bread. Conversation flows, and nobody is in a hurry.

What are the three rounds: abol, tona and baraka?

The same grounds are brewed three times, and each round has a name. In Amharic they are abol (the first), tona (the second) and baraka, also written bereka (the third). Baraka means blessing.

• Abol is the strongest cup, the time for greetings and news.
• Tona is lighter, and the conversation starts to wander; this is often when disagreements get talked over.
• Baraka is the mildest cup and is understood as a blessing on those present.

Many hosts see finishing all three as the natural end of the visit, so if you can, stay for the third cup. In Tigrinya-speaking areas the first two rounds have different names (awel and kale'i), but the structure is the same.

How is the coffee served: sugar, salt or butter?

Ceremony coffee is black and strong. It usually comes with sugar, often plenty of it, and you can normally ask for less or none. In the countryside some people add a pinch of salt or a little spiced butter instead.

You may also see a sprig of rue, called tena adam, added to the cup. It gives a sharp, herbal note. Try it at least once.

What does the coffee ceremony mean?

At its heart, the ceremony is about time and attention. Roasting and grinding by hand for guests says that they are worth the effort. It strengthens bonds between family, friends and neighbours, it is part of occasions such as weddings, and among Ethiopians abroad it is one of the strongest links to home.

Traditionally a household might make coffee this way several times a day. An invitation to join is a genuine mark of friendship or respect, so treat it that way.

How should you behave as a guest?

• Accept the invitation if you can, and allow time. Rushing off after one cup can feel abrupt.
• When the roasting pan comes round, waft a little of the smoke towards you and say how good it smells.
• It is fine to ask for less sugar. If you can't drink coffee, say so politely; tea is often offered instead.
• Ask before photographing your host or their home.
• Thank you in Amharic is ameseginalehu. Using it goes a long way.

Where can travellers experience a coffee ceremony?

The fullest ceremony is the one you are invited to in someone's home. Out and about, you will see small coffee set-ups everywhere, with a little wooden table of cups and a jebena on the coals, and many cafés, restaurants and hotels serve coffee from a jebena. In busy cities people often drink a single quick cup rather than sitting through all three rounds.

If you want to take beans or a jebena home, look in Addis markets and coffee shops. Our separate guide covers where to drink Ethiopian coffee in Addis Ababa.

Coffee fits naturally into a day out in Addis. With a driver by the day you can visit a museum or market in the morning, stop for a proper jebena coffee, and go on to lunch or a family visit without worrying about the clock. Our drivers drop you at the door and pick you up when you're ready.

Why does it take so long?

Everything is done from scratch: raw beans, a charcoal fire, hand grinding and three separate brews. A full ceremony can take an hour or more, and a relaxed one can stretch to around two. That slowness is the point. If you have a tight schedule, say so kindly at the start rather than leaving halfway.